i was hurt on that day.i cried.
but somehow i expected it.
it was alws like that.
no news.
but pain,nonetheless.

i no longer want anything.

han n kak yanti....
thanks for swensens n marina square!!!!!
i really missed u guys...
n btw i already applied for my UNPAID leave!!!

am looking forward to my 22nd..

:)

hopefully i get e crumpler bag n e bungee thingy...
han n e babes..i dunnoe wat u guys r up to for my bdae..but dun be merepek eh...
haha...

ooh..i decided to draw up a wish list for my bdae...haha..22 things in particular!!haha..

1.crumpler bag
2.reverse bungee
3.adidas jacket
4.spa voucher
5.full face helmet(preferably a Troy Lee Design one!!haha)
6.chocolate buffet!
7.classic manicure n pedicure
8.Prada phone
9.that mp4
10.any Prada bag
11.hair extensions
12.paid trip to Amsterdam
13.dinner at Simpang Bedok(wen m i ever gg to damn place..im so jakun la..)
14.slimming sessions?
15.gym membership
16.that sinful Awfully Chocolate cake!!
17.cupcakes!!
18.getaway trip to Genting/KL
19.New lappy
20.Carolina Hererra 212 Sexy perfume
21.a new navel stud..a rainbow one please!got a red one though..
22.a maxi dress!!

haha....

in my dreams la...

i missed u nonetheless but...

i came back at ard 2 plus in e morn...
thank GOD there werent many ppl in e transport....

came back...n saw e stuffs ateh got for me....thanks ateh...its really sweet of u...n i miss u too ateh....

den so i was on msn...den was msn-ing with yun....talk n talk..n he was at his mum's place at wlands too...but nearer to admiralty...guess what??

he took e cab at ard 3am++ over to my place....haha....luckily im in woodlands area...

so what we did??we tawaf my sister's area...n talked bout everything under e stars...i mean like evrything...from gays to rebonded maggie(read:sphagetti)...was gd to see u again....hope to see ur writings soon ok yun....

den went home ard 5plus...n slept like a log la!!!!

haha...i cant wait for e crumpler bag from Huda...and e reverse bungee ride from Bastian....

i dunnoe if im gonna have the traditional bday dinner with Zat n Dil dis year....haiz....

i wonder if i can celebrate my bday with an..i never did get to celebrate with her...just dinner maybe??*prays hard*

another group of ppl i wish to celebrate with is han,rilla,kak yanti n wawa...to just hang out n chill like old times...hopefully...ok..i might even volunteer a scary movie ok!hahah..

feez..has even taken leave on my bdae n e week itself...gosh...crazy...one more person to make time for...

den mum n my nieces... :) those ppl are a must to treat dinner to!!

oooh....doesnt Vday falls on 14 Feb which falls before my bdae??haha....

forgot bout it...

i noe she's not into all dis...but i rmb las Vday dear where u came all e way down to Clementi at midnite n shouted "Happy Valentine's Day" from the carpark behind my kitchen window..n wen we 'spent' e nite together...n u sent me to werk e very morning...no gifts but everything u did was e best Valentine gift ever...such beautiful memories...it was such a great day at e office dat day...maybe we can create new memories dis year again???i hope so dear...

see how much i miss u??


thanks to rashid for e ride on his R1 home....

super cool la...super fast!!!

i reach home so fast.....hahah...

:)

whatever happen to ur bike..not my fault....

yelah..vespa next time...

werk has been good..

jen..i hope evreything will turn out fine.

missing u rustic.tuesday.i hope.crosses fingers.





such questions...such remarks...

all have gone thru my mind.

critically analysed.

and im honestly thankful for your concern as a friend.

and yes,as i would do everyday,i will think of improving my life.

however,many facts are being left out and thus affecting the conclusion that u arrived at.

ur advice will not fall on deaf ears.

but dun expect anything either.

i miss u mum.sleeping without u by my side is so lonely.i wish to be back with u.
i miss noni n pipin.but i noe that u girls will learn to be independent as how bibik alw want u to be.i love u girls.

many has opposed.many supported.many disagreed.many cheered.

i still love you,rustic.





23/01/08 @ 1618hrs

"I miss U2.. Tkcr ok."

i thought i was dreaming.n thought she smsed e wrong person.thoughts of another special girl in her life.the feeling sucked.

so i called n asked if she smsed e wrong person she said no,it was a reply to my previous blog entry.

b,u read my blog.as in read(past tense) and am reading my blog.is dat gd?is dat bad?what does it mean?see.think too much again.oh well.

im super confused rite now.bout feez.

pls dun do it.i beg of u.

cos i love her.too much.

n i believe she feels the same way too.

at least i hope so.


changed my blog skin just now...

n han told me they're gg krabi in mid may... :( im ok with june...but they all preplanned it n had work commitments.sorry for not being there.not much of a choice.

i dun expect them to understand cos im lost myself.so many things happening at e same time.

sometimes,i wished if they only knew.but i couldnt even bring myself to open my mouth.

so i cant blame them if they're frustrated with me being M.I.A recently.

haiz.

again,my sincere apologies to all hu have been searching high n low for me.

an,i miss you.


well...

same topic on my fridae diary entry....

bout su...

missed her.haiz.

den feez...haiz...as much as ive been all there b ur side as ur guiding/best friend...im sorry i dun think im up for it...u havent expressed in words but i noe what ure thinking/feeling.

den i thought of rustic..one whom i feel so strongly for but somehow will not work out...

what if i waited but end up all fruitless??

what if i moved on n den discover my mistake???

gosh..ive had dis dilemma for e longest time ever...

my sanity is running thin..

my happiness shortlived.

now i understand reasons y im like dis.

im a risk taker in all but love.

bout H,honestly babe...lets not go anyfurther than dis.dun pursue me.dun be like su.


am so tired...

but honestly..

currently i am enjoying my job...despite whatever shit my friends r telling me bout the seniors....

to me:in left ear,out right ear...den plug in e mp3..

haha...

it seems today is "hit-on-lela" day...

drinks..flirting..1st class passengers are sure daring n darn outright...haha...

my beloved rustic msged n called me today...it was so unexpected...i mean like its been over a month now....i felt overjoyed yet sad...confused...

yes i do miss her..who wouldnt?

but...will she ever be in my life again as what she was before or dear,were u just passing by to check on me n leave again?

i better not get my hopes too high..or even start having hopes...

F is back too...got me a ring out of no reason...its cool...but he seemed diff...
been telling me dat he missed me...another confusion...

H..uve been nice..really...but i hope u dun have other ideas...please dun...

my rustic asked if i was with someone n i said no...cos its true cos im single n hoping that we would go back to what we were...but if she ever read my blog now..n starts thinking bout these people whom she might assume are liking me...

trust me that the probability of us getting back together is zilch...

haiz...

i miss u dear...n ure alws on my mind..n in my wallet...even ur phoos r with me now that im staying with my sis at woodlands...





haha...

work has been..well...hmm...eventful...haha..

ive never been tired for standing 10 hrs in heels...

i was in such pain that i was almost on the verge of crying....

some of my friends think im just gg thru a phrase of being a lesbian...

so being a thinker myself..i sat down thinking....

am i really a lesbian??haha....

ive had bfs...does dat make me less lesbian...

n all those years friends tried to "change" me...

why am i still in fridae n checking girls out??

and AN..why cant i forget her??compared to my other exes??

n i have no qualms with guys...

in fact sometimes...i lead them on...ok..dis part im guilty...

its not as if i didnt tell them my preferred choice of gender...

n they still want to pursue me...

n being the bitch i am(since now im single),i play e game...

and den most prob tell dem the painful truth that

there's no end to this n there will never be an US..

but guys being guys...are so persistent n will take it quite badly...

a major blow to their ego..n not their dick for once....

found a place to read up about lesbianism...

pretty cool...

u think im serious..

absolutely.

too bad she didnt.


after my first shift...

i went home to sleep for 25hrs str8!!!

n e funny thing is no one woke me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i even slept thru maghrib..

i had e best sleep of 2008....

brought forward all e sleepless nites of 2007 i guess...

official first day of work was ok..

but just damn tiring...

n i wanna say my utmost thanks to rilla...

babe...e taxi fare cost $29.70 n average speed of e cab was 150km/hr..

i reached work in 20mins..n in one piece...

:)

today im on afternoon shift..

3.15pm till 1.30am

wish me luck guys... :P

n mum; there is hope after all...

love,lels


its 12++

im supposed to be taking e cab to work by 345am..

morn shift starts at 5am..

i reached angah's place 1130...

just finished painting my bloody nails...

n they look horrible...once pay day, they're gg str8 to e manicure's...

oh did i tell u dat i just picked up my uni today at e tailor's at shaw tower...

e blouse is big..n my skirt too long...

e only fitting piece is my blazer...

*geez*

im tired cos ive been out e whole day....

but i cant slp...

jitters i guess.....

n i met mum today...

a not too bad day spent at e HDB...

hope everything turns out well...

:)

im on talking terms with feez again...which is rather comforting....

n ppl are bugging me with qns on my current employment status and designation....

lets play on e suspense ya...

only a few know....

n those who expressed their misses...

the feeling is mutual...

i promise once things settle down,i will make time for u guys...

ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry anxiety bout work is kicking in...

hehe....

toodles...

love,lels